Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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