After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
