Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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