At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
