hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
