atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
