Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
