i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
