Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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