oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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