So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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