so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
