I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
