then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
