As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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