Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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