I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
