I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
