sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
