God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
