is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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