nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize