I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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