Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
