Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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