dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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