You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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