she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
