Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
