I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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