I looked at my own cervix.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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