Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
