btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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