What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
