Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
