I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
