I have demons in me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
