I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
