I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
