My hand turned me down
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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