is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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