Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize