Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
