Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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