There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I love having hate sex.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize