Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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