a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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