it's too hot outside to masturbate.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
