I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
