I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
