Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize