That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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