you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
