This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
