M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
