I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
high people should be assigned attendants
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
