apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
