Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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