If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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