Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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