The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize