doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
