You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
