this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
