Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
