I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
