totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
its liver damage thursday
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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