Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
being pregnant is like rehab
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
