just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
