You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
