Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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